When God is Pulling You in Two Directions

Something’s been weighing on my heart for a long time that I knew I wanted to share. Now that the dust has settled with everything, I wanted to share some wisdom with you all, my lovely readers.

This past semester, I went through a crazy ride. I spent a lot of time worrying about what my future would become.

 

LET ME ELABORATE…

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I had to pass a difficult speaking exam in order to move onto my teaching internship year as a Spanish teacher. It was hard.

Life was a bit of a mess! I spent far too much money trying to pass an exam that I should’ve just practiced a ton for. Every time (3 to be exact) that I got the news that I was RIGHT BELOW where I needed to be, I felt like I was falling a little deeper into a hole I couldn’t crawl out of.

What would be my life if I couldn’t pass this exam? Where would I go from here, in the middle of being a student and a qualified teacher?

Those questions plagued me literally all day, every day. And I’m not joking when I say that. When I’m worried about something, I become that worry.  I couldn’t just let it be; I had to have life figured out so I knew what was next. (Obsessive, much?)

When it’s something you really want in your life, though, how can you not think about it all the time?

So, through all of that worry, I came up with a back-up plan: I’d go teach English in Spain for the year. By the time I decided this was my back-up, half the applications out there were already closed for the year. I knew if I was going to do this, I had to do it soon.

The program I found, although not well-known, caught my eye. I loved that it worked with a lot of private schools in Spain that were Catholic. As someone who wants to work in a Catholic school one day, I loved that idea. I wanted to do this.

 

BUT, AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT…

About a month and half ago, I got the news that I’d finally passed my Spanish exam. It had been such a back-burner thought that I’d almost forgotten about it. I had convinced myself it wasn’t going to happen and that I’d be going to live in Spain for a year.

A few weeks after that, I was accepted into the Spanish program with a placement in a Catholic school in Madrid.

What.

Never did I think that I’d get both things that I wanted, let alone one of them. Now, instead of no options for the next year, I had two that I really wanted! This was the first time in my life when I really had to make a huge decision.

The catch? I knew God, my family & my friends would be happy with me no matter what I chose. Both were amazing choices and I could see myself doing great things in both places.

When I say I was confused and frustrated during this time, I mean it. The thing that made it entirely so much worse was that I had three days to either accept or decline the Spain program.

 

SO…WHAT DID I DO?

When you put the two next to each other, the one that stands out is going to Spain. Who wouldn’t want to be able to say they got the chance to live in another country for an entire year, traveling all the time and speaking the language? It sounded like an absolute dream compared to waking up at 5:30am during a cold & dark Michigan winter every day.

However, when God puts two amazing options in front of you, you need to look at what He’s truly drawing you toward. Remember that thing inside of you called your “intuition”? Well, that’s the Holy Spirit, and it’s always at work. Especially during moments like these.

It’s calling out to you, you just need to listen. Pray and ask God where He really wants you to be. And listen to His answer. It’s not easy, of course. Let me warn you: you’re going to want to listen to what you want, more than anything else.

But don’t forget: God is saying, over all your thoughts, that if He wants you to go somewhere, He’ll protect and provide for you! You don’t need to worry about what’s most comfortable or easiest. God is beyond that. So many of your thoughts are worldly thoughts. He’s in our hearts, telling us that those shouldn’t even be thoughts in our head. Not when we have Him!

What we choose might not be the most glamorous, but I promise that if it’s what God wants for us, we can never go wrong. That one choice to choose God will blossom into a garden of a beautiful life. It may not be easy, but would it be life it was?

It may not be easy, but would it be life it was? Click To Tweet

In case you’re wondering, I chose to go through with my internship year. When I think about that choice and the upcoming year, something burns excitedly inside of me. I know it’s where I’m meant to be next year, and I can be sure of that because of how much I’ve prayed over it. It doesn’t mean teaching in Spain is never an option for my life, just not this year. (Hint hint, wink wink.)

I also read a lot during this time, from a book you can find HERE.

It’s called Discerning the Will of God: An Ignatian Guide to Christian Decision Making by Timothy M. Gallagher. I learned a ton from this book, and it’s filled with stories from people who had to make even bigger decisions than I did. It was a gift I received on a retreat this year & I completely recommend it.

 

How did you figure out your last major life decision? Comment below and let’s talk!

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