First of all…hello friends. It feels weird to be back in the blogosphere because I’ve taken quite the break. However, I also decided something today. I’m going to stop calling them “breaks” and, honestly, I’m just going to stop acknowledging that they happen, because it makes me forget to look at the bigger picture.
Yes, life got busy for a second and I couldn’t find a decent amount of time to sit down at my computer, but that’s okay. We can’t do everything, nor should we ever expect ourselves to. I have goals for how much I want to post, but I’d be lying if I said I always stick to that.
Plus, even though I did step away for a little while, I still put up four posts this month that took a lot of my time and effort. I’m super proud that I could accomplish that, and I have high hopes for November (which is somehow only a few days away…?)
Now, back to your regularly-scheduled program. Or..blog post at least. Ha. Ha. 🙂
Lately, I’ve been angry. Not at the world. Not at myself. No, I wind up angry at this thing that I’m focusing so much of my attention on.
Alright. So, it might be nice if I fill you in on what exactly I’m a bit angry at. Well, that’s easy: teaching.
Oops. I said it.
As some of you know, it’s my student teaching year and it’s demanding. This is the time when pre-service teachers either realize this is what they’re meant to do or they crash, burn and realize they’ve been chasing the completely wrong dream.
There are aspects to this career choice that I’m quickly realizing aren’t fun to deal with. My reaction has been to let those small things become what defines everything else about this job. And yeah, I know, that’s wrong and that’s dangerous.My reaction has been to let those small things become what defines everything else. Click To Tweet
You see, in my head, I had this glorious depiction of what teaching would be like. I’d drive to work every morning, completely rested and coffee’d up, teach each class while being completely prepared and helpful to all students who need my attention, my grading and planning would get done in the planning hour I’m given every day and I’d walk out the door as soon as the final bell rings every day. Oh, and did I mention I’d change every students’ life for the better? I was going to be a miracle-worker.
Yes, sometimes my days are actually that way. However, it kind-of scares me when they are now, because I’ve learned to expect the unexpected with teaching. When nothing goes awry, something has to be up (and, usually, something is).
My point here, though, is that I thought that if this thing was my calling, I’d love it 100% the time. Every day, I’d wake up ready to conquer the world and every night, I’d fall asleep with a smile on my face. Although I know that’s not real life, I couldn’t help myself from feeling disappointed and sad when I had a no-good, terrible day.I thought that if this thing was my calling, I'd love it 100% the time Click To Tweet
I even went so far as to think that maybe I was wrong in assuming this is where God wanted me. Maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t my calling.
I should be somewhere awesome, like vlogging my travels around the world, or getting paid to be an actress in a huge production on broadway. Those people have got it made, I’d tell myself, they’re rich and famous. That’s what I deserve instead of this mediocre thing I’ve supposedly been dreaming of since the fourth grade.
All of that just because I had a few bad days.
That mindset is something I can trace throughout my entire life. In everything I’ve done, there have been hard times where I feel like quitting. I mean, this happened even when I studied abroad. I always looked at others’ lives and told myself that they had it better. Their lives were what I needed mine to become; I needed to find that something better.
I had to sit down and ask myself what the problem was. If this was what I was being called to do, why did I feel unhappy sometimes? Why did I feel like there was always something better out there? Most importantly, no matter how hard I searched, why could I never find that “something better”?
The answer came to me (as it usually does) in the form of the Bible one night. There was one thing I was leaving out of all these hills and valleys I’d been going through, and it was God.There was 1 thing I was leaving out of all that I'd been going through; it was God. Click To Tweet
The thing I hadn’t realized is that I’m not doing anything on this Earth for me. I’m following the path that the Lord laid out for me, in order to do His work. Not my own. If this what the Lord wanted me to do, then who was I to complain when I knew there was a bigger meaning behind it?I'm following the path that the Lord laid out for me, in order to do His work. Not my own. Click To Tweet
God doesn’t promise it’ll be an easy life, but He does promise that the reward will be great and worth it. We can’t expect everything to be handed to us, because how would we learn and find value in anything? Just because we’re following God’s design for us doesn’t mean it’ll ever be simple.
Yeah, we’re allowed to have bad days, but does that mean we should give up? If we look at the bigger picture of God’s plan, we realize it isn’t even about us; it’s about God.