My Friend Told Me, “You’ve Changed” & Then Left (This Is How I Dealt)

There’s a specific time I recall in high school when I was best friends with a girl. I mean, her and I were bound together by some invisible force that neither of us questioned. We were so close. And then…she cut off all contact.

I was devastated. Up until this point, I’d never lost a friend before, let alone a best friend–and I was desperate to know what had happened. I valued (and still do value) my friendships more than anything in this world. The only difference with the past is that I would’ve done anything to fix the relationship, even if that wasn’t the best option.

Anyway, this is what went down: I can still remember the messages with her clearly. I mean, her words truly hit my soul somewhere deep, and I don’t think they ever left. And get this, it was just two words that did me in: “You’ve changed.”

That was all it took for me reevaluate my entire life, every choice I’d ever made and every word I’d ever said to her or anyone else. I convinced myself wholeheartedly that I’d turned into an ugly, terrible, deep-sea monster without even realizing it, and that I needed to purge myself of that persona pronto.

I would’ve done anything to salvage that relationship, and trust me I did. I basically plead with her to keep me around and swore not only to her, but everyone else we knew, that I was going to change. I’d become the coolest, sweetest, most amazing friend they’d ever known, even if it meant sacrificing my sanity for it.

Obviously, there was something severely wrong with that story and how I tried to resolve it, and that should never be the way we deal with rejection. But… isn’t it so easy to become that girl who’d give up anything to keep her friends around?

I attempted to revert back to the way I was when we first met, so that she’d like me again. And not only that, but I told myself I was the one in the wrong. (Which, of course, failed when I realized how insane the entire situation was.)

Ladies—this is where you need to listen: if anyone tells you that you’ve changed and will only be friends with you under the condition that you un-changeLEAVE. If someone is manipulating you into believing you can only be friends if you fit their definition of one, LEAVE.

If anyone tells you you've changed and will only be friends with you under the condition that you un-change...LEAVE. If someone is manipulating you into believing you can only be friends if you fit their definition of one, LEAVE. Click To Tweet

My friend did the leaving for me eventually, and there’s so many things I wish I could’ve said to her. Actually, there’s four:

  1. I’m sorry it came to this, but I’m not sorry for who I am.
  2. I don’t understand why this had to happen, but I respect your decision.
  3. I still love you.

I obviously never got to say any of this (and you might not either), but keep it in your mind. Your friend leads an entirely unique life from you, and you’ll never know all the circumstances they’re dealing with daily. Their reality might not be something you can’t even imagine.

And remember, just like your mother tells you about the guys you date: don’t let anyone make you think you’re unworthy.

Just like your mother tells you about the guys you date: don't let anyone make you think you're unworthy. Click To Tweet

As for the grand aftermath to my story; I cried. I felt confusion. I prayed angry prayers. I talked to all my friends. I wrote about it. But, none of that got my friend back. It took eons of time, but I found acceptance hiding in the distance behind the mountain. It was acceptance for what had happened, and that sometimes you can’t understand everything that happens to you.

There’s no great ending with my experience, but it did teach me a lot about who I am. I’m fairly certain God put that person in my life to simply teach me. And maybe that’s how your epic friendship story has to end, too. (After all, we can’t win all our battles.)

How do YOU deal with a friend says, “You’ve changed” and leaves!? Comment below and let’s chat!




  • Riza

    Or maybe, your friend is the one who simply changed and wanted to simply get out of the equation but blame it on you? Not to give you a negative impression, but sometimes people hurt other people for selfish or no reason at all. You may never figure out why your friend did it, I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. I never had this kind of experience, I don’t mind if it happens because I was taught to understand that people are not really meant to stay in one place. Either you join them on their journey or you proceed to your own. Yea, my mom used the dead cat illustration, I guess to make me stop crying, lols.

    • amandakristine

      Yes! I think about that too. Sometimes, we’ll just never know what other people are thinking. But something else I’ve learned: what people do has NOTHING to do with you. Everyone is on their own path in life and honestly, it could’ve had absolutely nothing to do with me (the reason why she said that). Maybe it was because she changed, not me. Thanks so much for your thoughts! I like the other perspectives. 🙂

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